Don’t worry….I’ll just do everything.

What do you say to your kids when you have reached your “limit”?  Go away? Grow up? Get a life? Shut the fuck up? I can’t hear you, I can’t hear you (while plugging your ears)? Get me my wine? The possibilities are endless, and mostly inappropriate if you don’t plan on offering therapy to your child after you employ any of these responses. 

One of the things I have struggled with most over the past 10 quarantine-months is controlling the anger I have towards my husband’s work being relatively undisturbed despite everyone being home more than usual.  It is amazing and eye-opening to see how easily my husband can “turn-off” the kids and get his work done. When I hear the bickering and misbehaving, it is too hard for me to ignore without intervening. I supposed I should add it is also hard for me to ignore a screaming/crying child who has a boo-boo….but that happens far less often than bickering!  The consistent interruptions frustrate me, and essentially turn me into a live stick of dynamite.  In fact, when I am reaching my limit I calmly leave my office and say to our kids, “I’m gonna blow – you better stop or watch out.”  I’m sure this is right up there in all of the best parenting guides as things you should not say – but fuck it – it’s my best effort in those moments.  I figure, at least I am giving notice and it does work 7 out of 10 times.  When my warning does work I just lose it and then regret my actions later (with a bottle of wine).  Work stops for me the minute kids need to be picked-up or the nanny has to leave….but the workday carries on for my husband until he is “done”.  There is a part of me that is incredibly envious of his ability to just carry-on, knowing everything is taken care of with the kids.  There seems to be no urgency to finish-up his work and join us for the evening or rush to make sure dinner is on the table.  Is it possible for me to adopt this mentality?  If it is, will I let myself? Probably not, so I’ll just blog about why it annoys me.  I do need to take a quick timeout and note on days I am in the operating room, he does take care of everything (for real).  On those days I also quickly revert to my pre-COVID mentality of assuming the kids are being perfect angels and are safely taken care of at all times (because I am not present to hear/witness otherwise).  It’s blissful.

Are we too busy wishing we could be more like our husbands? Would our time be better spent admiring the work we are getting done (both as a parent and professional)?  Maybe, but COVID aside, it is hard to be a mom. I think the best bet we have to make sure our heads stay healthy is to be honest, with ourselves and our kids.  Share with them the emotional toll they are taking on you (within reason).  I have started to tell my kids when I feel tired, hungry, achy, angry, and frustrated.  I don’t go into all the reasons why but I do let them know I’m not invincible.  Funny thing is, they often respond with kindness.  Last weekend I told them I was too tired to speak, my voice hurt (I was hormonal and cranky but this was my best kid-splanation); next thing I knew I was being served fake tea with mac n’ cheese.  It didn’t feel as good as being in my bed with the lights off and covers over my head….but it was a close second. 

Mommas, be honest with what you can handle at any given moment.  Try to steer away from letting the envy of what other’s are “getting away with”, ahem husbands, impact your mind. You are a warrior, own it. Those non-warriors need naps, breaks, extra time to get the same task done…they can’t relate to the warp speed you are able to function at every day.  Next time you think you would like to trade places with your husband just know this means you would have to give up warrior status.  Thank you for doing your best today, you are a warrior.